Manifest vs Self-Doubt: Which Side Are You On?
How are you going to manifest the things that you want to create
if you keep giving room to doubt?
In the most subtle way, we were taught to doubt ourselves. From early on, the impressions that are left on us stick like glue—we either believe what people are telling us to believe about who we are OR we figure out a lesson to learn from that teaching and discover who we are going to be.
I’ve been reading a book that a friend of mine gave to me. It’s called “Believe Bigger: Discover the Path to Your Life Purpose” by author Marshawn Evans Daniels. Reading this book has triggered me to reflect on things that I’ve experienced in my lifetime growing up, despite what I was taught at home, that caused me to become so doubtful of myself.
I like to get vulnerable with you guys. Because, what would I be proving if I sugarcoated the truth? NOTHING, obviously, right?
There was a time in my life that I would never forget the experience and how it left me. I was a confident young girl in Junior High School. I believed in myself, my mind and my physical attributes. I never thought them to be a threat to anyone, but rather an assurance for my own self. My mother would call me her beautiful princess. My father admired and adored me. My grandmother was especially fond of me.
I never had reason to believe I should not be proud of who I was and what I looked like.
In Junior H.S., I was nominated “most conceited” for the yearbook, in a non-existent category, by someone who might have felt personally offended by who I was as a person. I’m still not quite sure why it was created. However, in this moment, I questioned everything about myself. I questioned whether I was behaving a certain way that made others think that I thought I was better than them. I wondered if I was even worthy of being in such a category because, maybe I just wasn’t that confident? I had no clue what to think.
I later learned that this small moment had a great impact on my future self. The little me, as Marshawn refers to, was interfering with the Future ME.
I allowed the thoughts of this one individual, and those who co-signed, to make me feel like I had to become minuscule in order to be accepted.
Listen. When I tell you this really played a part on the most foolish things, I couldn’t make this stuff up I promise! For instance, I always tried to avoid wearing sunglasses, especially if I would be around a lot of people. Why? Because I felt like people-who-wore-sunglasses-were-flashy-and-wanted-attention-and-were-probably-thought-to-be-conceited-people, so I didn’t want to fall in that category. IF I was ever caught in sunglasses, I was literally cringing on the inside because of the fear of people thinking that I thought too much of myself. Isn’t that INSANE?! Yikes—Thank GOD for self-discovery and reflection and being able to overcome what people think of you. Thank God that doubt does not have to last forever!
So, as minor as this little moment was, it still had an impact on who I became. I still struggle from time to time with “giving away the feeling that I am too into my looks.” Which, in fact, is amazing because in this day and age, PEOPLE ARE OVERLY OBSESSED with showing themselves off.
So, I say all of this to express to you that: Your doubts are not who you are. They are simply what you’ve experienced and they were a teacher to who you decided you would be.
I strongly believe that people can change. You have to have a willingness to unlearn what you thought was the “right way” to live.
The same goes for your doubts. A situation like my JHS experience could have taught you to become a sheltered person and question whether your purpose is even necessary or not. It is IMPORTANT to understand what caused you to be the way that you are.
So, let’s manifest more magic, positive thinking, PURPOSE AND POSSIBILITY into your life today.
Give yourself a pat on the shoulder. Leading up to this new year, the beginning of a new cycle, it’s tradition to reflect on what you’ve done with your life all of this time. Whether you set goals and reached them, started or ended relationships, met new friends, got promotions or quit your job. We’ve created this sort of pressure to overanalyze what the heck we’ve been doing with ourselves and how can we do better.
There is probably something in the water that allows us to give self-doubt a life vest to float around our brains causing us to put a halt to all things productive. This is the year where that all stops.
You can’t create and fully develop into the person God created you to be if you are constantly questioning who you are, your purpose and your gifts.
Journal or think about which experiences that you’ve had growing up and what they taught you. Which helped you to believe in yourself? Which ones introduced doubt?
Think about where you want to be. Consider WHO you would like to be. Continue to embody that thought and let it grow.
Understand: You were taught many things in life. How to be. Who to be. But ultimately, you become a teacher. What will you teach yourself going forward? How will you take your experiences and teach others?