I bet that you or someone you may know has said something along these words before:
"I basically made my ex-become the person that he needs to be for his current girlfriend."
I know I have used that line before, I have heard friends say it or you have thought that it at least once. If you have no clue what I am talking about, let's get into it.
There have obviously been some failures in your past when it comes to relationships. You were dating someone and then you mutually decided to break-up. It happens. It's a part of life. But, what about when you break up with someone who was absolutely horrible in the dating scene and then suddenly they get into a new relationship and become the Professional boyfriend/girlfriend that you never knew existed? *gasp*
You'd like to take the credit for their glow-up, right? If it wasn't for you, they wouldn't be that good of a bf/gf, right? I will agree that there are times when you probably can take the credit, but I have a question for you. Was that relationship really over, or did you stop trying? Did you really make them become the better person that they are with their new thang, or was it because you gave up and another individual was willing to try with them?
Think about it.
I have had my share of relationships before and in no way is my current one perfect. We are two human beings who have come together to join our lives and fight for love. With this comes along our flaws, our doubts, our creativity, our joy; the good and the bad.
What makes a relationship work? The willingness to TRY and to overcome the adversities that stand in your way. The ability to compromise, consider, reflect and grow from past errors.
I would love to say that I molded my exes to be the best man they could be, or at least better for the next woman. Who am I to take that credit? If that were the case (overlooking a few exceptions) then indeed, we would still be together, right?
Of course, I reflect. I thrive in my future by growing from my past. I can thank the experience that I had with my previous boyfriends because it has taught me what I should and should not do in a relationship. Whether that was something they made known to me or something that I've grasped on my own.
This leads me to think about the quote that Bob Marley once said. . . Or, the internet said and placed Bob Marley's name on it---either way, I don't know who said it, but it's great.
“If she's amazing, she won't be easy. If she's easy, she won't be amazing. If she's worth it, you won't give up. If you give up, you're not worthy. ... Truth is, everybody is going to hurt you; you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for.”
Are you fighting for your relationship, or will you give up the moment it becomes hard? Are you willing to suffer so that in time, you will "mold," or help in the growth, the person you initially wanted to spend your life with?
Here are 3 of my personal reasons why relationships will never be perfect.
1. You are a creation of God and he designed each of us specifically to be DIFFERENT
You will have disputes, different ideas on things and bad days. We are human. Don't allow these things, plus more, to take away from what you share with someone in your life. Whether it be a friendship or relationship. I love this quote that says, "you can't be brave if you've only had wonderful things happen to you." A relationship takes bravery!
2. Perfection is BORING
I know a lot of people who have said that they don't argue with their significant other. Are you a yes-man/woman? I don't ever want to date someone who doesn't call me out or oppose what I am saying. Make me believe that you have a voice and that you care enough to tell me different from what you believe in, especially if I am wrong.
3. You will always be in a stage of GROWTH
Okay, yes. Maybe your relationship is going so good for this season. Power to that! We want happy people. (Happy GF/Wife means happy life) BUT, keep in mind that the longer you share your life with someone, you will find time to grow as well. With this come changes. Some that are accepting, others that may cause a little bit of an issue. There is nothing wrong with growth. I am not saying that as you grow your relationship will fall apart. Ha! Imagine. What I am saying is that it will either take you out of that "butterfly stage" or that "honeymoon phase" and bring you into reality. Embrace change and growth and be willing to compromise and understand.
Are you currently in a relationship? Do you ever find yourself ready to give up because it's going sour for a while? Or, maybe you are a person (Like I once was) that is bothered by your ex-living a happy life and you're still single talking about he needs to thank me! TUH!
Tell me all about it! Let's chat in the comments below.