God: Enjoy the steps that you take
Me: Right, I know, I get it. Enjoy every moment of life
God: *blank stare moment*
Me: But, it's taking forever and I get so anxious
God: And that's exactly what we need to work on
This scene took place early Thursday morning...
It's funny how you can come across an everyday experience and that one day, you hear God's voice so clearly. The same process you take every day and yet, God decides to show up.
Or rather, you decide to listen.
So I prayed this morning that God would teach me how to have peace in my mind and heart. That he would protect each area and fill me with peace. As I do every morning, I sped my way through the zombie-like traffic leaving the ferry and headed to the train. One thing that truly grinds my gears is human, pedestrian traffic. Me walking along a crowded group of people who fear if they lift their feet to move any faster, I don't even know what they feel may happen.
I took a few steps down to the train station, and that's when it happened. God spoke to me and hit me with the whammy.
Again, the zombie-like walk was happening and I said to myself,
oh my goodness, why are these people moving so slow.
Speed up! And automatically, God said to me,
enjoy the steps you take
. No spiritual lights began to shine down on me. No voice sounding as if it came from the speakerphone of heaven. Simply said, enjoy the steps you take.
Myself, being rebellious, I didn't want to hear it at that moment.
Yeah, God. I get it. You want to be prophesying at this moment, but like, they're still moving slowly!
And if felt like in that moment when you try to explain something to a parent who knows you're in the wrong, yet they won't say anything to you but instead give you a look. That's what he did. I felt the heat. So, in my defense, I tried to say yeah I know, enjoy life's moments. But, God. In a moment of confession, without realizing, I said but God. It's taking forever and I get anxious.
Without hesitation, I found myself starting to walk a little bit slower, in the pace of what was going on around me, rather than trying to speed up in front of everyone only to stand to wait for a train that hasn't moved yet. He reminded me, that's what we're working on. My anxiety. My patience. My worries and fears.
Lately, I've been in a world of worries. Better yet, let me be more clear and transparent. Lately, I've allowed my finances to worry me. I want to pay off certain debt that's been hanging over my head for the longest. I desperately want to move out, but I know that I have to clear some things first and that God is telling me not yet. Not saying no, but not yet. There are so many places that I'd love to travel to this year, and despite the few travels that I'm doing that aren't really my choice, I don't feel like this will be a year of travel for me. So with these things and the idea of when is it going to happen just sitting on my heart, it forces me to become anxious. I've never been an anxious person. Never have I been in a financial loop of worries. Never.
I'm also struggling with my life calling. My blog is absolutely a place where I can say I'd love to see it grow and be my primary source of income, but I'm allowing my worries, fear, and anxiety to get the best of me and putting more time into that than I am into the blog effort.
With all of these worries, daily life concerns, and cares, it's easy to put pressure on time. It's easy to believe that you're stuck in a place of no growth. Why? Because our thoughts become actions and as long as we sit and give energy to what the future might hold, yet believing the present is pretty dry, we'll stay in the present.
God said to me, this is what we need to work on. I never really took the time to think that I'm stressing time and progress. I'm one to take a walk and look at the flowers. I am one to enjoy moments. But this experience just reminded me that the moments we enjoy aren't only meant to be good moments that are pleasing to us. God wants us to rely and depend on Him. God wants us to trust his plans, even if we don't know it! We have to trust and let go of worries, anxiety and all that's tearing us apart.
Life is full of gives and takes. Give thanks and take nothing for granted.
Most importantly, we have to enjoy every step that we take in life.