This is what it's like...
I admit, growing up I've always heard people debate about what christ really looks like. Whether he was black or white. Blonde long hair or strong dreads. I never looked at a person and thought, wow, they look just like Christ. See, Christ is briefly described in the bible physically, but we should never put much thought into what he looks like. The importance is how we see him in the eyes, mind and heart of others.
Years later, I started to see God in people. I felt the love. I saw a person's joy of being alive and serving a God who loves them and His people. I was embraced by people who were a pure representation of who Christ is.
I don't believe a person can represent christ if they themselves are not on fire for Him. Many people think because a person spends their life reading a bible, that they are the ideal Christian. Just as the saying goes, you can be book smart, but have no street smarts at all. In this case, that actual relationship with Jesus is the street smarts.
Personally, I remember it so vividly, my heart flutters and my mind just goes insane when I think of how it first felt to be on fire for Christ. I mean, truly on fire. In my word. Church two or three times a week. Praising God every day and everywhere. Knowing and feeling the spirit within me. Ah man, it's an amazing feeling.
I say that "I remember" as if it's a distant memory of a feeling I no longer have.
That's because it's a distant memory of a feeling I long to have, again. In life, we pass many obstacles. Ones that build us up, others that break us down with the intention to build us up stronger than we were before. One thing that I am still learning (and desperately needing a tutor for) is that while I face trials, struggle, adversity and even persecution, my ultimate duty is to remain faithful, keep Christ at the center and still be a Representative of Christ.
Instead, I've allowed certain things and people to decrease that representation more and more.
In 2012, I moved out of moms and had my own apartment. For three years. Man, the timing could not have been any better. I was on fire! I was feeling like God really had my life written out to love Him. During that time, I had my own space to meditate, praise and worship as loud as I wanted and not be surrounded by negativity or bad energy.
Things took a change and I moved back to my mother's house. We all know how that's like the most upsetting move. This brought back sibling rivalry, mother-daughter arguments, frustrations and more. All of which I was happy to have left at the door when I walked out the first time.
Now that I have been there for almost two years, I have learned that my frustration and finger-pointing has never been a true act of Christ. Whether it was a simple argument with my brother, not accepting things that were said by my mother or just a day when I woke up and realized I need to move out asap.
Today, it hit me that all of these issues were able to get under my skin because I was not representing Christ. You're probably thinking, but no one is perfect. Right. I absolutely agree and trust me I am one of those individuals who likes to run with that. Funny enough, I receive these emails from "The Universe" and it mentioned a line that said "The whole point of this 'drill' was simply to give you a little vacation from being Me.
Isn't it amazing how we yearn to be just like Christ but know that we can't be? Yet, outsiders view us as a splitting image of Christ and the moment we mess up, we're persecuted, ridiculed, called all sorts of phony-Christians. But GOD. God gives us that second, third and fourth chance. He gives us the chance to breathe and remember that we aren't able to do what God has the ability to do. We are not Christ, but we represent who He is.
A representative is a stand in or act for another person. We can only be a bad rep when we don't know who Christ is. Yes, we will have bad days. Yes, some days our faith will just seem to be sinking and sinking as the time passes.
2 Corinthians 5:20
We are therefore Christ's ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ's behalf: Be reconciled to God.