How Long Can You Wait…
The days are approaching when I depart from my job which also means that I miss out on the daily topics that my co-worker randomly asks my opinion on. As I stand beside the desk and scroll through my phone, his laughter draws me in. Such an old soul with a young heart, he giggles and says, "Do you think that a relationship can work without sex for a year?" Immediately I answer, "yes!" I believe he might have thought the question wasn't clear, as he decided to repeat it. Again, I answered "yes" and released my own innocent laugh.
Of course, he wanted to know my reason. Personally, have I ever been in a relationship for a year without sex? No. I am not afraid to admit that celibacy can be an extremely hard task to take on, and though I may have had intentions to go the extra mile: no sex until marriage, I have slipped up here and there. Nonetheless, that doesn't eliminate me from believing that a relationship can grow without sex for an entire year, possibly longer. How crazy are you, Saphia? No sex for a year? Not even on the side? You read correctly. It's promising, achievable and strength-training.
Here are my reasons why sex does not ALWAYS help a relationship, with a sidenote of why an entire year of dating someone without sexual intercourse (yes, that includes: oral, masturbation, etc for those of you who think it's excluded) is actually good for your developing relationship. Here is the realness. My saints, excuse me. Here are my top 3 reasons
REASON #1: Once You Conquer, The Fight Is Over
Let's start with men, because you know, men first is the polite way to go. A man sees a woman that he believes to be beautiful, funny, intriguing physically and mentally, and he already has set it in his mind that he wants her. Now, let that be sexually, or to marry her, he has an intention. Until he gets what he has been yearning for, he will do whatever he sees fit to achieve it. As much as men like to disregard this stone cold fact, once he has achieved "the goodies", his mind (and the devil) slowly start to convince him that he no longer needs to work for this woman.
I almost sound like I am throwing shade at men here. In no way am I doing that, just stating semi-facts that apply to the men that this is meant to apply to. Sorry, not sorry. So because I felt that some of my male readers might take this as shade, I asked my co-worker David whom the original question came from. Here are his reasons in my own paraphrase: Men can go months lusting and chasing a woman, but once they bypass the "no-trespassing zone", the passion is lost. He also mentioned that when a man is younger his thing is to tell his friends I had so and so, he wants to feel like he can have this and that woman and even though it might be great, his question is, "well, who is next?!" Now, flip this and apply it to women as well because there are women out there whose primary target is to have sex with a man and desert them afterwards.
SIDENOTE: Allowing the fight to continuously be pursued ensures that you are in it for a mutual reason and to build a foundation. After so many months of lacking, you begin to forget about it (granted, with occasional urges) and learn more about one another. Sex is great, when it's the right situation. There are people that will take part in a relationship for months at a time just so that they can achieve this one goal and after so much invested time, they're like Houdini, but on rare occasion you might be lucky enough to find a person with this intention who has the attention span of a rock and can not last that long. Hopefully they will eject themselves from your life and make it easier for you to know, understand and be grateful that they were not worth it.
REASON #2: These Emotional Beings Are Way Too Emotional!
I think we are all aware of this piece of information: woman are emotional individuals. A relationship can be starting off cordial and a girl/woman might just be in the crushing stage. Eventually, that calms down and our vision becomes clear (without sex). However, once a women becomes sexual with a man, my accurate statistics that I have made up say that 85% chance she becomes emotionally attached to that man. There is no need to go so deep into this point because as humans we know that most of the time when we think with our emotions too much, we are in fact not thinking at all.
SIDENOTE: There is nothing wrong with excessive emotions, in my opinion. I think emotional people are the best people because you always know how WE are feeling. For that reason, if you avoid all things that allow your emotions to get the best of you, you're able to think clearly and act accordingly.
REASON #3: What Did You Say? Sex.
With relationships that are built around sex, often times sex is a replacement for communication. After all of the puppy love phases, and honeymoon stages and *insert a Disney couple story that actually ended with a happy ending*, people can either go two ways. They realize they are truly made for one another and continue to live in those phases no matter what people say about them being temporary. Or, they find that intercourse is their only means of having a healthy and successful relationship.
SIDENOTE: COMMUNICATION. Talk. And when you can't find anything to say, talk some more.
I'm no relationship expert, but these are my opinions. Pure it up!