He Isn't Holding Out
On Friday, I went to Times Square Church for this production/young adults service. From the moment one girl shared her testimony, I was tuned in. She was mentioning how she had grown up in church and life was just great and then at one point she just went through this dry period where she wasn't hearing from God and her prayers were weak, and she just wanted to be used by God, etc. It hit me so hard because as soon as I got into the church, I was about 30 minutes early, I had just prayed to God about that. Then, the production was based around the unseen world and the battles that go on in between; the evil spirits. A few that were listed that I related with were Pride, Insecurity, Discontentment, Lust, just to name a few. I held back tears watching the production because I have been struggling with that plus more especially hard as of lately. I constantly tell myself that it's just a season.
Then, Saturday, I decided to take some time with myself and go exploring in the city. I went and visited 11 art galleries, walked the highline & walked from W 24th street to downtown Manhattan, South Ferry and had time to think less.
Sunday comes, I go to Brooklyn Tabernacle and I wanted to sit in the tip-top row of the balcony and as far away as I could from my usual desired seat. I just felt that I needed to feel the Lord's presence and it shouldn't be based on how I can interact virtually with the worship team, or how close I am to the altar that I can almost feel God's presence. I needed to be away, but very near. The sermon, which was just exactly what I needed to put the icing on the cake, was about prayer. The pastor spoke about how we need to really bring our requests to God. We are always so busy being busy that we don't slow down and bring our requests to Him. That's exactly what I had been trying to do this weekend. I wanted to remain busy and do everything that I could to get my mind off of what's been on my mind. I would wake up, thank you Lord and the quick extra-ness that goes with it, but I hadn't really given my requests to God. He is a God who knows all things, yet He is compassionate and wants us to come to Him, voice our problems and as we wait on an answer, trust and believe that He will answer. I have a real, serious issue with bringing my requests to God.
I begin to think "Oh, God doesn't want to hear about that, or that, or that. I'm not perfect, or good enough, I made too many mistakes, why would He even grant me this request? Blah Blah" To be honest, it was presented in such a visual way on Friday that I've become much more aware of these evil spirits trying to draw me further away from God, trying to take away my greatness that He has given me and constantly making me doubt myself and things. No matter what I may believe, God loves me so much more than that.
So, Today as I am reading my devotional, it was also about prayers & answers from God. I think God is trying to tell me something, don't you ? This time it was different. It was about praying and waiting for an answer. How often we pray earnestly and God immediately answers. Sometimes, we have to wait patiently for an answer and it is delayed. In a circumstance like this, we must continue to pray until God shows the way. Don't overstep your boundaries and try to beat God in your made up race. But what happens so often, especially for me, is saying that God hasn't answered my prayers yet. He always answers. In those times when we say He didn't answer, is when we know we have received a "no" yet have not come to terms with accepting that answer. God is never holding out on responding to his children with love and compassion.
The moral of the story, keep God's word on your heart and prayer on your tongue.
As I was walking, I stepped to the side for a quick minute to wait on some friends and looked down, I saw this.