The Ex Boyfriend

It's Complicated

Have you ever had that person in your life that was your most prized possession? You treasured everything about them; you would do anything to make sure they're happy; even if you're not happy with the choices? In life sometimes we fall down and we lose touch with someone. Our feelings eventually fade if the atmosphere changes or if things just aren't as they used to be. I'm pretty sure that in some relationships you have thought, "Maybe if we take a break. If I just stop thinking about this person for a while and give it time for us to really miss each other." Sometimes, you're on the other end of that stick thinking those thoughts while the other person is still madly in love, feels like nothing has changed and once you hit them with the "we need a break", they will end up so confused. 

Sometimes breaks help, other times they don't do anything but keep you far away and cause unnecessary distance from one another and mainly decrease communication.

If you're a frequent reader of my blog posts or if you are one of those people who like to stalk the life out of old posts; (I am that person if the blog is amazing) then you would know that I wasn't always serving Christ. I didn't lead a perfect life, heck I still do not. But, I try to. I learned throughout the past two years of really giving my life to God that it is not easy and there are some real sacrifices. Also, that sometimes it gets really dark and difficult to keep your faith at an all time high every single day when the enemy is doing his best to bring you down. I thought that it would be easy coming into this. I wanted a different lifestyle from how I had been living and feeling and I will say that God immediately adjusted that. But, sometimes, I wonder whether or not He is still there. Has our status changed? Have we gone from being in a loving, caring, unconditional relationship to now "it's complicated?"

For the past few days, I realized that I had been reading my devotional on my phone rather than my actual book when I got the chance. I turned to my bible when I was upset with my bf for a few minutes and then again when I was at work and something was drawing me to read the book of Acts. Still, I wasn't giving that devoted time. I have been waking up just quickly thanking God and going to sleep saying a quick prayer in my head as I  fell asleep. If anyone is falling off in this relationship, it is ME. So, I wished for better days. 

I started to think of the relationship I have with Jesus. I thought, maybe if we take a break. Sometimes people get bored of each other and need to take a break. I prayed to God this morning saying this:

Okay this is how it's going to go. I won't think of you for the next two days. I won't pray to you or talk to you throughout my day. I won't read any devotionals or touch my bible. If I see something on the internet that is related to you, I will avoid it. I won't even speak of your name. 

In my mind, this was perfect. I had it all figured out. I had been thinking this through for the past two days but hadn't really prayed to God about it. Well, let me tell you how God works and how He constantly proves to me that my decisions are not His and my thoughts can not even compare to what He has in store for my life.

I get this little email from "The Universe" every morning. It gives a catchy sentence or two, sometimes a paragraph, of something that would come from God to you through email. I think it's funny. Of course they don't say it's from God, but it s all on the reader to determine who you believe to be sending the message to you. So this morning as I finished making the deal with God, I opened the email and it said:

Holy Mackerel, Saphia, its not supposed to be easy!
Please, never think or say that again, ever, OK?

I laughed at first and then I was like, wait, hold up… Okay, I guess You're right. I guess slipping away from You is too easy and probably wouldn't do much. If you're a Christian, you know that the first few weeks, maybe months, sometimes only the first few days, you are on FIRE for Jesus. That feeling knowing that He saved you, He has been trying to save you for the longest and you finally let go, it's the most amazing feeling. I wanted that back. I still have the fire, but sometimes it loses its flame. Sometimes I am just not putting enough effort as I would put into worldly things.

So as a reminder to me that I share unto you. No matter if you believe in God or not, follower of Christ or the other stuff, remember that it is not easy nor is it supposed to be. Life is not fair can sum it all up. When it seems tough and challenging to tolerate, go harder, believe stronger and focus your mind and your eyes on the end.

With Love...

Saphia Louise